Naturist camping & naturist camping holidays in France: If you have a site with a similar topic and would like to see it featured here then please email camp@campingmobilehomesholidays.co.uk

Call me a scaredy cat if you like, but if I'm going to frolic about as nature intended then I have one stipulation - It must be warm! Hot even.  I am most certainly not going to lurk about stark naked (no objection to that in principle) when there is a chill wind blowing off the sea or from wherever, with my most important bit shrivelled to a fraction of it's usual size and blue with cold. So that is why we favour naturist camping in France. Spend a couple of weeks at the right time of the year and in the right area and you won't need clothes unless you venture into town (They do like you to dress in town though). One question nobody has ever answered for me honestly - why is it that beach volleyball seems to be played by most naturists? Just wondered that's all.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that France is my favourite country and camping there or staying in a mobile home is the holiday type of choice, and as to being a naturist I have to admit that being naked scared the Hell out of me the first time, but you know what? That is vanity - apparently lots of people are scared of it just as I was, and they also think as I did the first time that all the others would be staring at you. But they aren't. They may well have a good look to see what's on offer but apart from that you can relax just as I did after a couple of hours of being ignored.

Being a naturist is like lots of other activities (Is naturism an activity?) - it's fine so long as you don't overdo things when you are in the sunshine. Let's look at this in practical terms: You are a Brit, OK? Being a Brit means that you don't see too much sun, and when you do you naturally make the most of it. You are probably a novice naturist like me, so naturally the first thing you do is to whip off your kit and lie face down on a sunbed (if you're male) just in case you have an embarrassing moment, and you stay there for a while reading a book or whatever, just basking in the hot French sun. It's only later on, maybe teatime or a tad later that you find sitting down virtually impossible because your bum is the colour of a ripe tomato and burnt nicely to a crisp, like an underdone rump steak you might say.. Why? Because it may never have seen the sun since you were in nappies and it's very tender. Ouch! I know it is because it happened to me.

There is a remedy for sunburn as I found out that same holiday. All the locals (it seemed like half of France) took a good look at my burnt bum with lots of Oo La la's and tut tuts and all said to get a beef tomato, slice it and keep rubbing the damaged area with the tomato slices. For extreme cases buy 2 beef toms and repeat. Use all the tomato like this and it should take about 20 to 30 mins - don't bother about the pips as they will come off later. You may need a loved one or a very good friend to help you with this: in my case it was my wife and her long scratchy fingernails. But it works, honest. Next day I was feeling no pain and the affected area got a few pats from some rather nice French ladies.

Which leads nicely on to an other topic: partner swapping. There are rumours that naturist camping holidays, or naturist holidays full stop, are a venue for partner swapping and sex parties. Of course this could well be so, but sadly my wife and I were never approached to partake in anything like that, and at this point I have to say that there were people on our campsite who were less pleasant to look at when naked than us. We either went to the wrong campsite or it doesn't happen. I say this because my wife would swap me for an ice cream if the weather was right, especially with a bright red bum like a baboon!

France is superb for naturist holidays whether you are camping or not, but as I am personally only an amateur naturist I am not really qualified to give advice as to what to do and not to do. There are certain niceties which naturists should abide by such as having your own personal seat cover and not taking photos of other people's naughty bits etc. Anyway,I'm sure you'll pick it up quite easily. Have a nice time.